Acting distant - AskMenand if you do see these signs, walk away before it’s too late! at the other hand- i absolutely despise secrets and behavior that causes secrets to accumulate. this point is important because it allows you to guage his real interest, rather than acknowledge his provoked participation or apathy. i have been fine with that as i am a busy girl anyway. the thing that doesn’t make sense is that he was the one pursuing things so quickly. i texted him saturday and asked if he wanted to hangout that night, no response. was wanting to move in with me after dating for 4 yrs, but he wasn’t putting his plans in motion about it. question is – since he’s being so distant recently, why is it?.he said he is my boyfriend and he can’t see any reason why i couldn’t send one…he said he doesn’t understand why i acted like that…and he decided to broke up with me…he even told me he isn’t interested with me anymore, that he will find another woman who will make him happy…we argued through long distance texts…. he shouldn’t be risking losing you to another man if he really liked you that much., have you ever experienced feeling intimacy with a girl and then suddenly out of nowhere she pulls away or starts acting irritated with everything you do? it comes off approval seeking (even though i know you don’t intend to, you want answers! she hasn't cancelled or said she wants to talk, but should i be concerned?. also worth mentioning he is still on vacation with his friends (they were at a friend’s wedding this week)…. he sent it yesterday and i have not written back or anything! i may be reeling inside, but i will do my best to respect her needs at this time. and i was resistant because i have a hard time trusting. the next morning i called and he didn’t answer.. he knows i love him alot and he hurts me,. for the long comment but really…what’s with this dude? that might be a break up that you’re hoping was a freak out. the sad thing is that if you fell hard for this type of girl, you still feel hurt after many years but at least you manned up in the end. i gave her compliments when i felt like it, but made sure not to overdo it. embrace your inner goddess, have some faith in the universe that the world will turn in time for you. that mentality will only make you less desireable, and they can sniff your insecurity if you felt that way. i had really started to care for this guy before he disappeared. i told him i thought we were having a good time together & he should’ve told me if he felt differently. thank you so much for your help, after reading your article i have done some mistakes, like taking things the wrong way, no call or no text being a bad sign when it isn’t. i’m a gal and i felt the same way. it started as friends just meeting for drinks and talking. a wake up call for me as i’m going through the same situation. just remember, be honest and upfront in your choice and be willing to accept the consequences of your actions, be it good or bad. i’ve been trying to “play it cool” but it’s so hard… i never call him out for not calling or texting me back and sometimes he even apologizes for not texting when there’s no apology needed. emmotionally draining for me and i’m diciding to move on. because of you i think i slowly start to understand a man’s mind 😀. he makes me happy makes me feel whole and i want to be with him as much as i can. will be full of picture perfect couples – getting engaged, flashing new jewelry, bouquets of flowers, etc. my heart is telling me to not give up and call her. when i study my mind always wanders and welcomes distractions…. the fact of the matter is: it’s my job to make it very clear what’s good, effective advice and what isn’t. when you make sure that you are truly happy and fulfilled independent of having a relationship, you will be much better able to handle everything and anything that comes up in a relationship. it has been 1 1/2 weeks since the email which he did not reply and i have “moved on”.! this is amazing it explains everything and makes total sense. could you give your input if i'm doing the right thing of letting her still live with me (she has no money or anywhere to go), and that we're working to fixing her depression. but for now, all you know is that this guy doesn’t want to be with you for whatever reason. have it set up in your mind that if he were just a certain way… or if the situation were different… or if he just became your boyfriend… everything would be great! i wonder if this guy i broke it off with will take note of his folly and apologize or if he’s just another ship passing in the night? ajrenk, like i said before, accept her with open arms. we figured out our schedules and basically due to both of us being out of town different times we wouldn’t be able to see each other for another 2 weeks… but he makes no plan for that… thoughts anyone? this is exactly like a friend of mine i used to make out with sometimes. the bad news is you already know he’s a player so you’re setting yourself up for heartache if you get attached to him. i’ve talked to countless psychologists, dating counselors, dating coaches and dating advice writers. think you are pulling a power move (ie letting your ego get the better of you) by putting a cap on the threat just because someone disagrees with you. i feel way more invested in this relationship and when i said that to him he said ” you are”. my only regret is that i was not able to buy “the system,” as it might have saved me in this situation. within two months and all along he was sending sex text to my phone. relax about all of this and that he just needs some time. i panicked and text him babbling on asking am i waiting for something or nothing..he loses his temper on more then he does on anyone. she blows hot and cold, and she just expects you to cater to her whims and fancies as and when she needs your attention. she even wanted to leave her job and follow me to the company i worked at. it’s completely acceptable for her to like another guy, but when you do the same or talk about another girl, she pretends like she’s not interested in hearing what you have to say. and would he respond to a text if he wasn’t interested?.So i guess i’m just wondering what you think about the above…. and then i realized: it’s because i keep letting him come back, picking right back up from where we left off.? if you can fill your life with the feeling of love and affection outside your romantic relationship (e. she may make out with you, or she may cuddle and cozy up with you now and then. i have never hit it off so well with someone before. i asked if he had plans for lunch, and he said sorry, i do. if he were to be asked he’d say we’re not together. uh-oh…the beginning of dependency is rearing its ugly head…beep beep beep! the day he was leaving we met up in the morning. he told me his job gets heavy in the summer or when the weather gets nicer. the time you spend together will be better too, since you’ll be enjoying each other’s company as a choice among many choices as opposed to being the only enjoyable choice and having no other good options. while i know game play and acting and this whole new pua stuff is a requirement for success these days, i surely hope there is still someone out there i can be 100% real with. my bf and i started out wonderful always communicating making time for each other.. he never said what he was “thinking”what does this mean if he has clearly indicated in interest in me and the photos and spent the time texting for hours? i txt him once over the weekend last week wishing him a restful weekend and no response. girls who love leading guys on have fragile egos, and when you drive a stake into her weak ego, she’d hate you for it. i did not think a similar situation existed out here, and i could recognize almost every point above. he acts busy, consider picking up more hobbies and plans without him so that you don’t feel you’re waiting for him and he’s always trying to fit you into his schedule. would you have any other advice for a guy believing for a second chance? i kept contact to a minimum over the last few months (only 1 or 2 short messages) and we haven’t spoken in around 3 months…i decided to delete him from my facebook friends about a month ago as it was too hard for me watching him add new girls to his facebook friends (no idea who they are and if its more than friends, but didn’t help me wondering). i get this article and agree with it almost 100 percent but i think most of us are not reading the lines or between them. next morning he became cold and distance and kicked me out from the apartment we rented, his pa told me that he needs to go to singapore to attend a meeting and i better leave cause they want to finish some work before going to the airport. when i confronted him he said he met another woman and was moving in with her. i freaked him out and he told me to take things easy. if he pursues that he’s interested, if not he isn’t serious enough. is a painfully accurate description of what i am going through with a girl right now. ‘equality’ and ‘feminism’ as great movements as they were, introduced much confusion into the mix. it is almost as though these tactics (and those submitted by most dating columnists) to win the affections of a man require us to stem the flow of our emotions and show restraint under the most impossible of circumstances. she finally breaks up with you because you didn’t read the signs and do something about it… boohoo. so i’ve decided to back off and focus on my life and not take the role of a committed person before i actually am. he was all with me until out of nowhere he pulls out before being exclusive and goes mia on me and then tells me he’s not ready for a relationship just yet etc etc. and then ofcourse he would do something else to tick me off it’s usually things like not responding to my texts or i will call him and he will say things like i will call you back but never do it but then he pops up at my house at any given time and if he cant reach me, all hell breaks loose and he won’t talk to me for weeks at a time but god forbid he does it to me, i call him out on it and he will break it off again for things he does. so couple of time when he came 2 get him and i was going out he saw me…and drove off as fast as he could! he was all into me, he asked that we date exclusively, he texted every morning and called. i found out through our friend in common (his bff) that he was coming back and that he called her many times while he was away. you do not forgive unless you get something worthwhile out of it. i’m a real traditional girl so i’m not big on asking guys out, i’d rather have them ask me. shop around, get rid of the idea that there’s only “the one. was caught off guard when he started to withdraw about 2 months ago… then for 10 days i gave him space… i let him initiate contact, when he did i would jump at the opportunity to talk to him (via text) then i would try to call him and he would not answer the phone, so after i thought about it… i decided to let him know that i got the hint and that i understood that we were no longer in our ldr… he asked me to be his “friend” and at first i agreed… then after some more thought and some serious soul searching, i decided that i was not willing to accept the altered state of our relationship, i didn’t want to be his friend. i just packed my things and now its five months i havent gone to his place again. i haven’t questioned him about the falling out at all. i was very upset and responded with what i now know as “needy” behavior. saying he would never hurt me, that he really likes me and my values. have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 years, everything has been great until last year he has not see me at all, because of the hard time he is going through. he said there’s nothing he could do about me not believing him. male coworker is younger, by 13 years but has no issue with the age difference. this point i haven’t done or said anything that was a turn off and have kept things real casual. is it his own thoughts that he is telling me or a secret way of telling me he is doing those things or is thinking of doing them? but as soon as i started giving him attention and talking about myself and asking about him, it just seemed unimportant and he’d go away, or even talk about another girl or bring her to my house without saying anything, when he was the only one invited. we remained friends and he has always been available to my random texts. eric, hope you continue to do what ‘re doing in the way you’re doing it! then let him come to you, at his own pace and let it progress naturally without force. really confuses me when he told me that he wanted me but he is worried that i won’t fit on his lifestyle.” meaning, he can still find other people attractive but it doesn’t mean he will give up the girl he’s with. and when we talked we were holding hand and went to michaels and we would give each other kisses hold each other hands and i would tell her i love you and she would say it back as well. do you think i should go to dinner with him? show him you’re cool and comfortable with being by yourself, maintain your personal interests, but don’t get angry at him. now she isn't replying to my messages like she did before. (she is even going back to ny this thursday for an actual interview and portfolio showing for week. at the same time i reached out to her asked to meet up for dinners and no has been her favorite answer lately. he said he is working and his computer is like family and if i didn’t mind him working that we may be able to work it out. i’m getting the feeling that i won’t hear back. he said “it’s easy for u to say when ur not the one dealing with it. he told me before he didn’t see a future, because he missed a feeling, but now he is confused? never move in with a guy you just met period. the survivors are the ones who can accept the realities and pick themselves, rub their bruises, dust themselves off and keep on moving – gracefully and without aminosity. i watched your video again and realized the 3 weeks we dated got intense from the first date. yeh maybe there is more but i need to think about myself and what’s best for me if he wants to make things right he knows how to find me. on the other hand if he did not by now – maybe he is just not that into me? long distance boyfriend whom i haven’t met yet personally asked me to send my naked picture. if you’d like my help with your relationship question, click here. i’m not looking for sex or anything right now…. it has always been a sign of progress in my relationships, where the guy can no longer maintain the status quo and be satisfied. so i gave him one last chance, gave him a call and made plans. i finally texted him “hi, how are you” and got no response. don’t give it to him instead realize how selfish he is and how you felt when you had to sell your flat and when you found out he slept with other people. i told him i only asked because i was still confused about what really went wrong….. i met this guy online abt 8-9 months ago he lives across the country. i mean it this way…i am a busy girl. if he comes around again, and you are not with someone else, then great, but i would be very cautious the next go round with him. here’s my problem, she nags me all the time. almost always, the girl who’s leading you on probably likes you, but she needs more time to make up her mind about whether she really wants to date you., i live in dc and the man in question lives in atlanta. thought i’d tickle your brain some more 😉 thanks for reading through all this in advance. man, eric, your columns are honestly bang on the best advice for women i’ve ever read! however, i would be dubious of the guy who, after a few months of dating, never calls. ) when she returned from ny, i had to get ready for my birthdy cruise to the bahamas. eventually, she may just give you the cold shoulder or date someone else. we texted a lot for a few days and then we went out on a casual date: slurpees, movie, walking around. although just spend my time at her place doing homework. i resolved it the exact same way as the advice here. this is my cue to leave and do something fun for me: meditating, walking, playing guitar, gardening, baking, hanging with friends and family or playing with my mom’s dog. the two of you seem to concentrate on very different needs and have very different values. so i wondered if there were things he wanted to say, but he was afraid to say them. i am disappointed and i know there are plenty of other men out there but i really like him and i would also like to know if this is worth pursuing. at this point, things are probably starting to get comfortable- you make plans regularly, you’re in contact more frequently, and a relationship seems just around the corner. i was working so i had to say no and asked him if he would be busy the folowing sunday and he said he had alot of work to get done ( a lawyer) so i said cool no problem ttyl. to leave him alone that probably he’ll call aftr his finals but i have this feeling he wont and its killing me 🙁. he is keeping in touch with me now by calling and texting. i tell you this story so that you can understand her side of things and so that you can know that she was genuinely interested., the only other time i’ve ever left feedback online for was this incredible new search tool i found for apartment hunting. which is no surprise since martians love autonomy and venusians love community. even if his comments come to contradict his actions at times…this is very healthy for him. see he freaked out on me once and broke it off because he didn’t want a relationship. can blame guys all you want and say what guys should do and how quickly and ruthlessly you’ll drop him… but… is that attitude bringing you happiness in your relationships? your site has offered her some helpful advice, and i just couldn’t help commenting. it ended up being one of those really long and just tender kisses that basically takes your breathe away and makes you lightheaded. like we’ll just have to learn how to play the game…. he said “not to flirt with them or anything, just to talk to those he used to know.. he contacts when he returns to get together (or any guy contacts a girl after disappearing) and the girl says:– “great to hear from you” = positive comment. he is being persistent concerning dinner but we have yet to set a dinner date. am in the same boat here too,i am dating with this guy for 6 months and everything seem really great…he even told me that he misses me and loves me. i get aroused, i want to get close to him, but the environment and the circumstances forbid.. things were going great, and then he stopped returning my texts and calls), i actually ended things with him by e-mail. when a guy says things like, ‘i’ve never liked a girl so much after only a few dates’ or he texts you saying he misses you when you barely know each other, he doesn’t really mean it. he was really insisting that time but we ended up fighting and arguing about that issue….” and he gave me some of his clothes to wear home on our second date. when we’re not together, (in the beginning), things were still great – he’d text me a lot (2 to 3 times a day), enthusiastic texts w/smileys and i’d never wonder where i stood with him. but now she says she not disrespectin him anymore and within 2 week she is gettin a div. your article was great and informative, however, i am a sensitive woman and a bit hurt and confused since i am a woman also. a week had gone by since, and i felt to text a message, just saying that there's no need to reply and i hope everything's going well and i was thinking of her. when i asked if he had time for a quick call he said, “no, dear. do you really want to be with someone that treats you more like an option rather than a priority? each time we saw each other we had a great time (he would always send a text later telling me how much he enjoyed our time together and was looking forward to the next time). i would automatically think he’s using me in that response. its so hard, i mean we were best friends for the longest time, and we were there for each other through everything, we have both had a very hard life, which confuses me as to why he will not speak to me, i cant help but say something sad when he is online, he treats me like we are less than friends, he will not talk to me, hes cruel, i dont know what to do i know i must go on but we have such a strong relationship that it scares me, he is in a marine military school, i can only talk to him on the weekends, well one tuesday i was just sitting in a chair and suddenly i was in horrible pain in my left arm, to the brink i was crying, went to doctor and nothing was wrong, when he didnt call me saturday i was worried, i got ahold of his mother and he had been hurt in his left arm on tuesday, we dream the same dreams, we know when each other is hurt, and the suddenlyn i cant feel him near me anymore, its cold and lonely and when my soul cries out to him, theres nothing but darkness. he texted me late on the 5th, i responded really late on the 6th and haven’t heard from him since. you see this happening pretty frequently, where she ignores you when she’s getting a lot of attention from other guys. then ask yourself if your push for more than what he’s willing to give right now is healthy.. (obviously she didn't since she was with me) she didn't sleep at all since we would just be having sex the whole weekend specially that sunda..and not just instinct but logic and common sense too. has , because i beileve a man should always be given his space. ok so my guy was going through a freak out phase. to this brilliant column of yours, eric charles, and please, keep up the good work 🙂.. his finals would be over in 2 weeks and thats when hes suppose to fly here. the only thing you can do at this point is choose what is important to yourself. lol it’s funny because i’m a bigger head case than she is. what is great is that he hasnt blamed you for his lack. it’s sending me on a freaking emotional roller coaster. live in the uk and i have to say that this is the best web site i have found that deals with things in a way that makes absolute complete sense, straight forward and clearly from a man who knows what he is talking about…its great. relationship has been up and down from the start, am at uni now 160miles away from him and i use 2 see him like every 2 weeks everything was fine…but all of the sudeen he started 2 call and tex less and less…he worked crazy hours i mean like 70 80 hr a wk! i texted him friday night saying i hadn’t heard from him in a week and asking if everything was ok, he responded with “haha, heyyyyy! it was just a few weeks ago that i saw my own withdrawal guy out on a date with a girl who looked very similar to me. but every time i asked her she would make an excuse. it’s a secret relationship and she wants to keep it that way. he has told a friend of mine when she asked if he had a grilfriend that he was taking a break from dating for now. sometimes, he only talks about sexual things with me and how much he’s attracted to me sexually. [read: the real reason behind why girls are so fickle about guys]. four months into my stay, jan 4th of 2015, i caught him doing some hard flirting with woman on messenger. before we were speaking every 2 hours by texting and spending a lot lot time together with her and with her kids. it certainly is a man’s world:) i’m trying not to be bitter about this but when you feel there is the potential with someone and they end the relationship with no reason, it doesn’t make sense. i have no plans in contacting him again until he comes out from hiding, but the thing is i know he’s going to start texting me again and saying he wants to go out again (because he keeps doing it). was thinking yesterday and asked him what time we will be meeting so we can discuss this because i’m confused. just let me know yes or no and then text me when you're ready to hang out again. in the past i’ve been the one to always “what’s going on” and it never worked, always pushed them away further. on the other hand, not having a full life and needing the relationship to be a certain way (or else) can smother the relationship. all you can do in these situations is watch a man’s actions as they ultimately speak louder than words. if she doesn’t call you back, then pull her up on it and make a joke of it… say something like “oh ignoring me now are you… that’s cool, i just had something really important to tell you and you’ve now missed your chance of knowing what it is. lauren, so i've been talking to this girl for almost 2 months now, seeing each other a couple times a week and texting 24/7. i asked him if he’d be willing to tell me when he feels that pressure from me. fast forward to last week, everything was fine, i know she been busy between work, family and friends, but then she started to text and call less and now unexpectedly she has not returned my call/texts in a few days. after i was very nonchalant, he started doing his best for me, which lasted short unfortunately, mainly because we took up the pattern again that i initiate contact. i decided to text him the friday after v-day telling him that it’s been a busy week and that although i’d be gone the weekend, that i would like to see him when i got back. he is a very strong and capable man but he is also very sensitive and his feelings are easily hurt. i think after so many years of listening to complaints from other people’s relationships it’s just one of those things that pops in my head. it definitely helps a lot, and relieves a huge amount of stress. he recently stopped showering me with kisses and feels as though i expect sex from him everytime we’re together. i’m usually the one who tries to mend things, but i think he is extremely embarrassed which puts him on a different playing field than ever before. and there’s a big chance that she’d walk away from you for good. but now when we’re not together, he seems very distant and not as enthusiastic with his texts. he emails me sports related links and articles and sais thats me the clever one etc … no any sexual innuendos just slightly flirty stuff. you'd like to learn how to get more me-time in a way that supports you in your work, life and relationship,Click here for a free cheat sheet:6 real-life steps to getting more me-time.! i tried to call him but no answer so i sent him a break up message it was very kind and friendly said he was a great guy but i felt the ‘shift’ and did not understand it so i was going to start dating again… which i will. the next day, i had checked his profile in facebook., a lot of women tell me what that they’re not getting what they need from the guy. right now, it’s been like 5-6 days since he and i last contacted each other. neway she has complained about me never being around , so i stopped the overtime, which financially crippled us . she is not answering my phonecalls and she rarely answer to my messages. it’s just going to click and you’ll know that he loves you. i let him have his space for two days because i knew he had his kids those days. are hunters and in the yr 2014 nothing has changed and never will…. believe me, there are guys out there who say the same thing about women, but from the other side – and i give them the same recommendation as i’m giving you here. eric, first off, your ask a man advice is really great and has been insightful to read. there is no need to label this, or force something as everything was just going well. when he’s ready, he’ll come looking for you. we shared some time together and she made it known that she wanted to see me. is it appropriate and healthy for the relationship if she indicates she needs time apart from the relationship to take care of herself? at this stage you have nothing to lose and something to potentially gain. she has said she will reach out when she feels ready; i hope so, with all my heart. her daughter babysat for his son and daughter-in-law and he said that i probably took care of that when she found out i was here. a couple of days she then told me she had been dating a semi-friend of mine for a while (while flirting with me), and that on a dinner date with wine that i had arranged for us (after she insisted on it). and i said not thats not what l want & he said he didn’t either. if you two are at a place where he wants some time apart then give it to him willingly. well he met a girl and developed certain feelings for her. and he said dont flater your self … moron like i was abt 2 talk 2 him! i was with my family and they helped keep my mind off of it, and kept me busy. i asked if everything was okay and if everything was, that if he was no longer interested that i’d appreciate he tell me. i have to talk to this person occassionally when i’m trying to reach out daughter and have stopped that because my significant is uncomfortable with it. she also mentioned the age difference suddenly scared her, even though it was never an issue before. do you really think guys are going to see a girl holding out sex as anything other than manipulative? she is a warm, affectionate, sensitive and yes a very attractive woman who has stolen my heart! i wasnt use to this and tried to keep a focus on the true signs…so id txt him things like ‘wow u’ve txted me all this time, surely you’ve got someone else to txt, or something else to do. out sex or sexual favors as a manipulation strategy doesn’t make a relationship happen, magically. he “comes your way again” and it’s one hour every two weeks, it’s time to consider he went back to the ex or found someone else but doesn’t have the heart to tell you or he can’t decide who he wants, or he wants to see how far he can get with you. same small office space so other co-workers are aware of our interaction. am still trying to accept the fact that he broke my heart and he might slept with his female pa. last time i saw him (saturday before v-day), we spent the entire day and part of the evening together. it was the only way i could get her out of my head. you’ve heard all your life that guys don’t want girls who “give it up easy”. i know i have the time and actions thing to prove and i am honestly and truly doing all i can that i know of and i really can’t think of anything else i can do. the guy i was seeing told me before that these next two weeks were going to be busy for him. i needed him to know this was real and not about sex. and if you do see these traits in a girl who’s blowing hot and cold with you, get away as fast as you can, however you can! my pt is still texting me and his text are getting more personal 😉 and in a nice way. more than likely will go to dinner next week if he gives me at least a day’s notice. i have talked to a dozen people and they said that cuz i sold the vehicle the warranty doesn’t transfer. join the list and then you can post in the relationship forum about it… you’d have to let us know what you’ve tried so far and how’s he’s reacted. since in the example he’s 25, that would make you 32. guy that i’ve gotten deeply involved with is leaving to travel for a year (cross country on a motorcycle) this coming week. things every man is looking for in a relationship.. but sometimes sometihng happens and he is not the way he usually is . when she comes back to you, welcome her with open arms. fixing my car, appliances and generally being there when i need him. i’ve been with a girl where she stops texting me cold… then 3 days later she says, “you didn’t text me for 3 days! he knew i was with her but didn’t even text me to say hi. as the relationship develops, it is easier to balance the two without pulling away as often. and boy does he make me laugh after 3 weeks he told me he loved me and would give up his life to start a new one with me.) i noticed a slight withdrawal on his part, and instead of letting him (and me) to have space to process things, i took his withdrawal the wrong way, as a threat, and got upset with him and definitely made him feel like i was trying to take away his freedom. i am really hurting right now and need some advice. so, i began the process of moving on with my life… i got back to my classes at school, spent time with great friends, went places and did things that were fun before him… i even started dating… the first 2 weeks were horrible! i figure it is only dinner and we are friends. when you give her a lot of attention, she tries to keep her distance from you. could his feelings have changed that quickly or is he just trying to push me away bc he needs his time? i know it’s not the answer we want to hear, but silence speaks volumes. it became so good that emotions started growing so quickly. i totally understand that you need to take care of yourself right now. could get worried sick over your suspicions and, because you’re so worried, end up being miserable company to be around… which would degrade your relationship.) it’s poisons the group – you’re covertly shaming women and spreading misinformation. it makes me like him that much more bc he doesn’t want to be anything short of the best boyfriend i deserve. behavior usually feeling like a man needs to fulfill some kind of “image issue” for you or you have some sort of fear about the relationship, so you covertly try to manipulate or coerce him so that your fear is silenced or the self-image boost you get from the relationship is maintained. he’s everything i have ever wanted in a guy and we’ve both been hurt so badly before do we both have trust issues. he called me back said she would be ready after work for me to pick her up. take the time to find out what it is you want. spark and love is still there but only if he opens up. must say , eric is one of the few real men that has made any sense about other men ! later monday he didn’t reply or anything and then on tuesday he said “i’m so stressed cuz i got paid and now i only have literally no money in my account cuz i had to owe ppl money frm the past and help grandma. we, as women, don’t deserve men’s crumbs, we are better than that, and better off alone as opposed to accepting a man’s crumbs or living out his ‘head-messing’. a lot of my friends think i need to kick her out. just really wanted to thank you for this great post. kick him to the curb if he’s not in hot pursuit after you’ve been giving him all this space.!In any case, i took your advice and played it cool while also maintaining the truth with a simple reply to him that read “i miss you too”. i noticed it right after a baseball game we went to where we held hands and were touchy the whole night. now she has a lot of issues with work and family and i think she gets depressed but can't prove it. i have spent over an hour reading your articles… and they make complete sense. or should i be taking this as a sign he’s no longer interested? i have been going through a divorce and i have kids. just wanted to say how i have found these articles so helpful during a recent confusing relationship. i never cheated on him and have been completely honest and upheld my end of what we both agreed to. he gets a blowout on the way and i tell him if something is meant to be we have a lifetime to discover it no problem lets reschedule. he says nothing i’m just really busy etc etc. after my last experience, the minute a guy starts withdrawing, i’ll be out of there! you’re stuck in the clutches of a girl who leads you on, you have no choice. and then he tells me he misses me because hes sonused to talking to me. just remember, the more balanced she feels, the more confidently she can fall in love with you. i had reconnected with a guy i went to college with (we were only friends then) he lives in the usa now and i am in england. so, how can i be drastic enough in concentrating on other aspects of my life, for him to notice something’s changed and create a positive reaction in him, without being too self-focused and end up screwing things up and losing the guy? he’s talked about getting a job closer to where i live. dating advice books that were written in the 80s and early 90s… when women wore shoulder-pads and the internet didn’t exist yet?, that was about a month ago, and then i got a message from him on sunday out of the blue asking how i’m doing and lots of questions about my life…i was surprised to hear from him because it was around midnight on a weekend, and i know he is on vacation right now, so it seemed like an odd time for him to contact me. he apologized again and said he does not want anything from me but to have dinner and laugh and then he will go home. was a great read and exactly what is going on with the guy i am dating right now. i just wanted to put enough information into this so people could have information to base their opinion on. this is going to be one heck of a ride.. not on monday not on tuesday not on wednesday, i texted her asking what was going on? although, i had my suspicions at first, there's no other guy. show him that he is not going to bring you down. would you explain withdrawn behavior after entering into a relationship? when he came back to my town to see his family and see me, he planned things every day with me. we started dating almost two months ago and we seemed to have started on the right foot, we liked each other instantly, we used to talk everyday the whole day til night. my question now is how do i reverse that and make him want me more? he even said he knows he we will regret pushing me away but thats what he does . he told me that if we take a few weeks or months to take our relationship back a step (less phsycial, more getting to know one another…again) he might figure out what he wants. i met a guy 2 monthes ago, we texted for awhile before meeting up again. i am at a point now though, where i am getting tired of waiting, so either way i would be fine. i would call him and he would not answer his phone and would not return my calls. so every time he flakes on you, your world falls apart because he’s your one shining beacon of hope that you can be happy. she is absolutely the most important person in my life, she's my best friend.’s even possible that the guy before me treated her that way because she did the same stuff to him. at this point i became confused because we had agreed to just being friends, yet a kiss had happened and that signaled something more to me. i have a gut feeling he might, but he is very arrogant and probably too proud to ever admit he was wrong to end things…. then she attempted to see if she could get back with me. this was a long distance relationship, he already has visited me once. a kiss is just a kiss (until someone has real feelings). great thing is, when i focus on myself and making myself happy, even if the guy decides he doesn’t want to move forward with me, i’ve been too happy and fulfilled to even care. and i agree with bethany… how long does this stage have to last. i know he is going on a trip to belgium on sun for work. i’m running out of patience with the situation i have and don’t see what i can do to relive myself from the stress its causing me. he recently said he thought we should move forward but i’m not ready to and i’d like to think he doesn’t really mean that either… am i crazy? i returned home he would text me as if he did nothing wrong so i ignored his texts. i need that sometimes coming into a relationship as well. but it seems now that i’m going to be available this other guy has backed off and is mostly ignoring me.. after that night, she changed and starting to distance her on that matter, but still staying close. she’s playing you and you’re falling for all her tricks because your love for her clouds your judgment. i know he knows it’s there and he’s purposely closing it off. would it be the wrong message to say im still single or should i just cancel the awaiting confirmation and leave it as in a relationship and wait till he talks to me or texts me first? when does this actually occur when things move from the don’t freak out stage? and he did respond but just saying how his wkend was and how was mine but nothing about meeting up. when i ignore her completely she gets really upset and i just feel bad, but when i get too clingy she starts to act different. the crunch line is that i can not give you any advice, you are not lost – since you know exactly what feels right for you.
15 Signs She's Leading You On and Taking You Nowhere!fill yourself up and don’t *need* him to do it for you (by texting you back or giving you attention or anything else…).… for future reference if things don’t work out with this guy, how do i respond to the beginning where he’s feeding me all of that bull? we really use to talk every couple of days, spent every weekend together and on the days we didnt talk a few txt back and forth…. not only that, my life will be totally upside down when i return. just have to add that this whole waiting around thing is completely exhausting; i’m thinking “at what point is waiting enough? he called me two days later but never called me again. at one point, i told her she has to go for my sanity's sake. will just let it roll and give him his space. it was the best thing i could have done, as it really helped me to move on and feel better about the whole situation. not only did you reject him but you conveyed he and his efforts weren’t enough to move you past or even through it.“…he gave me some of his clothes to wear home on our second date. we’ve had an incredible time the past few months and my feelings have gotten really strong. we tried to live together twice, the first time she had to move back to her hometown due to custody issues. tonight he was suppose to have came over for dinner he called me said he would be here in a hour,no show than called an hour later telling me that he was at his grandmas and he had to stay with her because she was upset about his grandpas death and today was his birthday. think we could have a great future and i do understand him wanting to date other women, he was in a controlling 14 yr relationship… and i don’t want to be a “needy” person, i know my independence was what attracted him in the first place…i’m just not sure if i can reverse the damage i caused by trying to “morph” into him, by losing myself in our relationship for a while… i’m over that now and want him to see that… please send me a reply as soon as you can, i am on my way to visit him tomorrow and want to use your advise while i am with him. i told him that i can’t date him because he’s putting in zero effort and seems to be no interest in his side. i didn’t stay the night with him cause i had things in the morning, he made his driver take me home. at what point do i just let it go and accept that i won’t hear from him? and i must say it started out with all the txting and ‘missing u’ bits. it’s about having choice of who you will dating and not choosing a man until he’s explicitly locked you down. i've decided to walk away from the whole situation but i'm still baffled as to why she was so bitchy towards me and w. i’ve never been a fan of love advice columns or what not. days before he left he started not taking phone calls (2) or returning txt’s. i would never even consider opening up any “feelings” towards him when he behaves like this. reader’s question hey doc, first, let me thank you for all the valuable advice. she is a good, kind and beautiful woman and i know she is crazy for me, on our dates and at her home she can not keep her hands off of me. although your text message could turn him off you have to believe otherwise. i pushed forward and became quite needy asking when we would seek each other, making snide comments, and all around being difficult/annoying. lauren, first time reader here but i am very impressed with your insight and advice to others. he may be freaking out who knows but take it slow… i dated a guy for a month in december. but as i can see it, he is just looking for a fling..Mia, your situation is not too uncommon, so don’t feel bad. i really try my best to give value with these articles, so comments are always appreciated. it’s key to communicate value, confidence and that we are putting ourselves first. from meeting her parents, to her friends, being her +1 to birthday parties, etc, this girl really wants me around. i messaged her to make sure she got into mexico safely, and she responded as her usual self. could it also be, that he will find that het wants to take the relationship to the next level? he replied back saying sorry he had been busy & said yes wednesday will work. i can’t help though, but feel like, when a man decides to get distant with me, cancel plans and generally act mia that is disrespectful and by accepting that kind of behaviour and “playing it cool”, rather than communicating an expectation to be open and respectful, including communicating a need to cool down or take space, that i am in fact exhibiting a willingness to be treated poorly. and she told me she was depressed that she didn't do well on her exam and that she has been busy on her new semester, and never got a text from her again. we have plans for the future plans to go to mexico over the summer. he told me he was hurt yrs ago and couldn’t go thru it again. it’s very hard to play it cool when you like someone but feel they are blowing hot and cold. you enjoyed this article, please share it with your friends. well no word thursday & then he texted me friday and just said hi, what are you doing tonight? it’s true that when the right man comes into your life, games won’t be necesary…. i have never disputed that some relationships do go the distance even when allowing when introducing physicality early on. the point that particularly hits home is your conclusion in regards to saying whatever you want without needing a particular response. i did txt for 3 days (once a day) saying things like, “hey sweetpea worried about you hope you are feeling better. you should not continue to assume things and actually appreciate her as she is. maybe you’re the wonderful exception, but i didn’t get that from a dating book, i got it from being treated like dirt. it’s been 2 days now and i haven’t replied yet and i’m so unsure on what to say. could be happy, live a full life that you enjoy (independent of the relationship) and do/say whatever you want in the relationship but don’t need him to respond a certain way. the ball is in his court, so let him chase you. a few days later we talked about it and i said that if we were just going to be friends that we needed to set boundaries. but she’s always warm and flirty over the phone, or while texting each other. i cant imagine this being the reason you break up. maybe you feel that it will complete you in some way. [read: 12 signs a girl is just using you for all the wrong reasons]. i started this fling with this guy at work and he was really into in the beginning. she has now pulled away and said it is best if we don't see each other..since he already knows that i am madly in love with him…but he also makes comments that we are not onthe same page,,meaning that he has other obligations,,3 daughters,,traveling alot with his job,,but that he like me alot…help?’ve been dating this guy for a few weeks now,which isn’nt very long but i really like him alot..when i refused, he got mad at me and he broke up with me… i told him i couldn’t send one because of privacy reasons as i thought that it might affect my personal life and career…i told him it’s against our professional codes. he has a cell phone that does not have the voice mail set up so cannot leave a message. i am guessing he needs his space and i will give him that. she may say things that are hurtful just prior to or during our time apart. after three years he can “just” meet someone and all of a sudden be confused? i know how i feel but i don’t know how to say things. i’m trying to be optimistic, i really don’t see him just up and leaving, but i’m also starting to get insecure, things were going so well and i miss him a lot! he and i were not intimate those two days but he wanted to be i refused until there was some type of explanation. like more than several other posters, i also felt this growing sense of “empowerment,” even as i was mouthing “oh no, no…. if things are going too fast, slow it down or he will for you.” i just told him i have been sick, busywith school, and relaxing right now, so i didn’t want to talk at the moment, but he can play any game he wishes to play. wanting to see me everyday, texting me sweet things all the time, introducing me to his friends first, getting off the dating website and asking me. a person can’t go on forever giving love and receiving none in return, just the occasional cuddle time and loving gestures. i mean why are you questioning at this stage if he’s into you or not? i appreciate that you say men aren’t playing games or being manipulative on purpose because when i speak to a lot of my female friends that’s just what they say."good grief lauren, how much cave time does she need? expect to make mistakes and expect him to pull back. iv had bad relationships twice been cheated on 3 times know the signs and i'm that w.’s my situation and totally up for any advice please. she actually broke up with me but we still live together. [read: 12 secrets you need to know about love hate relationships]. i dunno what to do i don't want to pester her and push her away. i called him the next morning only for him to act as if i intruded on him by calling and he pretty much hung up on me. is my exact relationship for the past 3 years on and off i just can’t get away but after this and her matching 14 of the 15 i think it will really help and i can finally find myself again. were you all this time i was making so many mistakes in my relationships? it’s not sad, some of us are just wired that way i guess. after a great first week, in which he answered questions i had about her and why he did things and was very supportive he started to pull back. i know you’re supposed to “compromise” in a relationship but it seems like i’m making all the sacrifices and i’m starting to feel like this relations. would not go out to dinner with him, if men don’t learn that their actions have permanent consequences, how will they ever change their behaviors? everyone wants to be liked, it’s a really great feeling for both men and women. he held my hand for most of the time and shared a few kisses, told me things like: i’m so happy baby, i never thought i could be this happy again, i love you so much. obviously this is the worse of the two, but you don’t want either to happen. he can just continue to promise a “relationship eventually” forever. as he still kept texting me after i refused personal training lessons… his texts became more friendly and personal with (x x x ) in them …. but we stayed friends and eventually she asked me out. i get one phone call a day that is it and maybe an email. i know it sounds ridiculous so it took time for me to accept but i’ve seen it’s true. i hope this doesn't mean i permanently messed up and have no chance with her again. and when we approach a door, he wants to be the one to open it and then he wants me to walk through it. i texted to see what the plan was & he was out with a friend. it’s almost always around the 2-mth mark that a man decides if it’s worthwhile ‘investing’ more into the otherwise previous casual dating. on a surface level it appears you’ve suddenly gotten more annoying. he’s a really great guy and despite the struggle we’re having…he does treat me very well. i am learning is that guys are “sensory” human beings. i mean, do what you want… you’re basically saying that if the guy doesn’t do what you want him to do, you move on. we had so much fun together, and it felt like we were teenagers. i like living my life and i don’t mind not hearing from him every single day… but, not texting him nor calling until he comes to me, doesn’t it send the wrong message that i’m no longer interested in him? she says she is gonna come see me soon but that will change and she will have other plans. i got so used to hearing that generic bitter “loose the guy and never talk again,” but i obviously had a little faith for some other answers and here i am! hollywood… the origin of a huge amount of dating misconceptions and lies? she says her feelings haven't changed, but the single title makes that hard to understand. i havent dated in over a year and neither has he. i also assume you and your boyfriend are no older than 25 yrs old. don’t jump into anything too quickly, especially not sleeping together, meeting your friends/his friends/parents/family, etc.. since when did texting become the end-all in a relationship? it was directed towards relationships i had in the past but not him. i know he’s made some changes and it took god to put me back in his heart, but i really feel that i’m not in the wrong here. he says he needs to tell me something in person, i am charmed and say sure. he was so sweet and sent me flowers and called/texted/emailed while he was out of town.’s nothing against her or the subject matter at hand., just learnt this freak-out phase and seems i’ve made the mistake which similar to push the buy by texting: “didn’t hear from the guy who said miss me for a week”. of late he has been checking me regularly but i have not fallen for it. the tone of the relationship was set from the beginning when you jumped into bed too quick. it takes time to get to know who some one really is. we made it a weekly plan of working out on mondays and wednesdays, today after we were done and walking to our cars he mentions how good he felt and that we should work out a little bit tomorrow after work as well. so don’t try to push him to do anything – live your life and give him the space to come to you. been having this fling with this guy i know and in the last month we’ve met up about 4 times in total (before then we met a few times with friends) but things didnt start heating up till about the beginning of may. this article saved me from being pushy, needy, and chasing him, instead of the other way around. 5 days ago she approached me saying that she's fallen pretty hard for me. then we just texted very briefly with him calling me a nerd & me calling him a weirdo. (in this conversation i end up crying and demanding attention which probably made him withdraw even more…). i responded asking him why he wanted to know all these things about me. if you don’t agree with my opinion at this point… you’re simply not going to – you have your convictions and you’re sticking to them… that’s completely fine with me, but i want to make it clear to my audience that i don’t agree with you or sofia. she flirts with you, goes out on dates with you, but doesn’t give the relationship a name., tell me what you think 🙂 i really can nt read this guy! everything means something in the beginning of a relationship; everything either builds trust or dissolves it. you should be looking for the same kind of clarity in a guy’s communication. at the time we started talking i knew he was separated and never really thought much of his persistence in going out with me. his text: “i know it doesn’t mater and you can believe me or not, but i am not seeing anybody nor did i ever cheat on you since i met you. have to say from experience (both sides of this fence) that i have seen what eric is talking about in this post first hand.. i asked him if im stressing him or if i did anything wrong. you like a pink site or not though, has something that nobody else has – grade a unique content. i think quit texting him already, as he has given you the answer you need for now: that he’s not really interested. i advised him if we we were dating exclusively what was the problem because he could come to my home anytime. rarely calls,he doesnt do the things he used to do ,we dont see eachother! and he was moody all the time like a kid! he went back to the states and called me 4 or 5 times a week for long conversations, as well as texts saying he missed me etc. one day he was teasing me so badly about me not using the membership and that it was a waste of money that i should just cancel it ( he knew the reason i wasn’t going, as it’s the one thing i rather have someone with me, even if they are not talking much, just like the company) he wouldn’t let up on it, but he said that he understood, as he was the same exact way. the winter when our company was reducing hours, his would get cut and he had mentioned a few times that during our lunch break on his day off he might drive down with his dog so he could show everyone. if you break it off because of his actions in the “freak out” phase? women should be viewed with compassion when a man hides his true agenda, uses her for sex and to feed his ego and then flees because he really wants someone younger, more attractive, etc. even though i told her it was ok, if she wanted space, i would give it to her. my significant encouraged this and knows there is no romantic involvement or interest whatsoever. he wasn’t teasing me about it when he was asking all these questions, he seemed to really want to figure out and find out what my type was. i truly appreciate you taking the time to write the articles you do, because i feel women (myself included) need to realize that they should never need a man, they should only want a man to enrich their lives even further than they already are. before we parted, i said i needed a break from this relationship as is moving too fast, instead of telling him my family issues. but he also said he thinks he does not love me and that is why he is having such thoughts. with all due respect, it sounds to me you’re getting ahead of yourself though. i also know he is really worried about his country right now. i know of the mistakes and wont make it again! he’s so amazed that i’m calm, collected, nice, no drama…. the ex doesn’t bother me anymore at all and that’s a plus!. but when we talk to each other she seems to fell better then when we don't talk. except, i can’t leave a voicemail, since he (the guy i was seeing) didn’t set it up yet. when he left he said he wanted me to come and visit him there and wanted to continue our relationship. he did say he would like to go out again. from a woman’s perspective, when she takes a step back and doesn’t introduce sexual intimacy into the relationship too soon, a very interesting thing happens: she is able to analyse the relationship and the connection that is, or isn’t developing with a sense of logic and clear-headedness. if she pulls away as soon as the relationship gets more intimate, she hasn't been misleading you, she just needs time to adjust. went on a family reunion, we continued to talk and text. don’t show him you are affected, put on a smile, be sweet, but gradually pull yourself away and make no explanation of it. if all this is happening but you’re already his girlfriend? i’m going to try to be as unemotional as possible, not add any additional stress to his life and maybe we can even resolve this? we moved in he started to withdraw and then, yes, i would ask over and over wtf was going on, so i was hurt and “freaked out” too i guess. so pretty much, just like your article described, everything was going perfectly, a relationship seemed just around the corner (i may have assumed the “gf” role too quickly) and then he went mia. lauren, i just happened to find this website while i was googling for some answers as to why this girl i was dating suddenly shut down on me. anybody else just gets to ride their ‘anything goes’ train. do you really think i should contact him yet again to find out what’s going on? i use my ‘busy-ness’ to test guys, so i know if they will be whining and whimpering to see me all the time, or if they can do their own thing. you will get some temporary satisfaction but more importantly you will let others know not to mess with you and be their doormat. in this year he has acted both cold and hot, sometimes distant, but he sent messages almost every day via whats app for almost a year, so i thought he was really into me, even though he meets a lot of other women because of his job trips and has confessed to that likes to flirt innocently, but that with me it was different (he told me that at the beginning of the year). he asked, and i agreed, we talked about what that meant (spending weekends together, how we should approach each other about making plans with our friends etc. he wrote back, ‘i don’t think so it’s getting late. this article made me realize that such girls do exist. some of my best guy friends are married with children to women who they slept with on the first date. he cancels plans, he goes mia for days at a time, he acts distant. she doesn’t remember you or care about you when she’s having fun.(bullxxxt)…i had to sell my gorgeous flat and move back with my parents whilst he was still trying to figure himself out(by sleeping with a whole host of other girls)twat! our relationship had been bliss up until i told her this. however, everything was going great, he would hang out with his friends on the weekend and i wouldn’t hear from him as much but i was fine with that for the most part. it gave me a great deal of peace and i was able to drop the worries about my guy friend’s aloofness – straightaway. my kids are very attached to him, and i told him in the beginning if he does not want a serious relationship i dont want to get involved because i have kids. i believe him and everything but in a way i know he is that night owl and didn’t go to bed for the last three nights at 8pm.’ve had a pretty roller coaster type of relationship (said i’d never do that again) with me basically giving him a hard time for not following through on dates, cancelling last minute, not responding to texts/phone calls, etc. in the end she told me the relationship was off and that she wanted me to keep away from her! i am going to a book store to look for one of the book that this site promote and see if i can find an answer. have just started meeting my ex again and she came to me we were txting and stuff then started meeting more. stayed with him for two days and he was blowing hot and cold. i want him to want me as part of his life. he hadn’t even began to show signs of withdrawing up until the weekend after he met my parents. i been with someone for 2 yr i told a guy friend that married to me he wants me to be happy then the one i been seeing for two yrs said he want me to be happy i want to know if i should just move on. dating the man you want takes a lot of energy playing these games, particularly because they all seem to be catered to the whim of the man, not the needs of the woman. at this particular time she does have to figure some things out for herself and my initial response was we could do that together! he took my parking pass to my apt while he was here w/o permission and refuses to return it because he says he needs it. but she’d still lean in, wrap her arms around you and kiss you to make you feel better! recently he has kinda put me in the friendzone e yet he wants to always meet me touch me fool around with me and most recently tried to have sex with me. now i’m not saying he doesn’t like you and isn’t interested, but his main goal here is to see how much you are interested. i finally texted him a message (as i was kind of worried), he just replied that he was at an out of town meetings and would be back tomorrow..but only when he does and if he does not …. it seems odd to me that he is calling me when he is supposed to be on vacation having fun as a single guy…. not looking for a real relationship, but not wanting to screw every guy in town either. if im going to be honest i think im starting to like him more now when initially all i wanted was some harmless fun and nothing more, nothing less. i think that following your opinion would do a good deal of damage to their dating / relationship success. mean, if you read this article in the first place it’s because you were wondering why some guy didn’t text you back.. makes excuses that he is too tired or that he spent so much money on. i am an amazing girl and have been told that by many people…..its hard to accept but this is what is happening with me! i know we aren't going to get back together as boyfriend and girlfriend right away but only she keep the "chance of us" open. i loved how it explained all the whining and dining that was done in the beginning of my relationship. if he wants to keep you, he tries to… instead of just taking you for granted when he knows you’re not going anywhere. we started msging each other in march and used to text every day/video call all the time and everything seemed to be fine up until this past month. he had a friend staying for the 1st weekend he came back but text me each night to try to persuade me to meet them for a drink. lauren, everything in this article is describing the problem i am having. surprisingly, he said he knows i want more than where we are right now. nobody can change another person – only the person him/herself can change him/herself – if that person is willing to change. he was upset and said what to you want from me you want to be friends with benefits until your done with your hubby( i”m currently separated). but you were right that there must be a reason why he takes it so slow….” i said ‘ok, have a great trip glad you got to spend time with your kids as an early father’s day present. and while i waited, i focused on myself, doing my thing and not obsessing. then tuesday just gone i missed his calls because i was really busy since then hes stopped texting me as much and ringing me he only reply’s if i message him first i asked if id done anything wrong to offend him he said i hadn’t he just doesn’t like being ignored but i haven’t ignored him when he does message me back i sense hes being of with me as his message’s aren’t like they usually are he seems to be being very distant and off with me what should i do as i do think we could have something special. what am i to do, what am i to think? i haven’t contacted him and we had contact everyday. should i reply and what would be an appropriate response. now a year has gone by and he starts to call again. i initiated the no contact rule with him at the beginning of this week and he finally got the hint and said, “two can play that game!) but i mean…c’mon i need to know the day of if we have plans. we talked for about half an hour and i made sure to keep my composure.” generally speaking, most guys have a fear of being “trapped” in a relationship, but in this particular scenario you’re dealing with a guy who’s actions are especially dictated by avoiding unpleasant situations as a primary motivator. lauren, i am dating a girl for the last 7 months, we are both married, but we spent a lot of time together. i know the time was terrible, but he said ” i’m not ready to call you my gf yet”. she still wants to be "friends" but her idea of friends doesn't look much different than our long distance relationship. doesn’t hug me, doesn’t hold my hand, doesn’t put his arm around me…. i really liked him but could not tolerate that level of disrespect it upset me so much. they’re pretty damn ruthless with matters of men, lol. if he really likes you he won’t mind at all, and if he does mind then he’s not the guy for you. they try to rationalise, analyse and excuse the behaviour to the point that it drives them insane. it’s already been two months, maybe try putting a little effort in? i was slow and cautious and had my own thing going on and tried to slow things down but he was persistent. this was in fact a long distance relationship and i did go to his home to check on him and when i did he was there but he did not seen to be happy to see me. signs she’s leading you on and taking you nowhere! we startet talking every day and seeing every moment we could, but we are colleagues. next time you hear from him, tell him something like “i really enjoy your company and our dates were fun but i am looking for a boyfriend (key don’t say you need him to be your boyfriend) so i’m calling this off and i wish you all the best” be willing to walk away if he still isn’t “ready”. this only happens when you actually, truly do have options and could leave if the relationship isn’t fulfilling you – you can’t fake it or bluff (if you try to fake it or bluff, i promise it will massively backfire). he began to say that was very busy and tired, that sorry, but he had to cancel the plans. he doesn’t make any effort in the relationship, i feel as though i’m the one who contacting him first all the time recently. i am not dating anyone at the moment but i will not turn down a date just because he and i may see each other from time to time.’he doesn’t want me t worry about him when he’s stress and then he says things that makes me feel like i’m a horrible gf and he said i’m not. if she needs alone time, you can trust that she will ask for it. everything is great and we talk thru whatever problems we may face. does he not want me and if not why won’t he just tell me. reason why i responded is because what you wrote is a viewpoint that many women have and ultimately it’s destructive to relationships.. i even flew there again last new year to spend the holiday with him. most people fall in love without thinking months or years down the line, mostly because they feel being in a relationship be natural. she is really awesome and i'm not sure what to do. she said she wants things to go slow because we went too fast last time. so it’s your job to have her read this blog post and initiate the conversation of finding a good way for her to set her boundary that works for both of you. we had never discussed what it was that we were doing and in a way i wanted to get him to a place where i could get him to open up to me. i got all the signs he really digged me and wasn’t looking for a hookup. as me and had just moved back to the city were in for a job. in an earlier post, eric said that he tries not to be a “dating advice” columnist – just give his opinion on common issues that we may encounter in our relationships/involvements with men… your post may be too specific and he may feel that giving his feedback on it would in fact be, “dating advice”…. 2) a woman is more likely to need to pull away in the beginning of a relationship as she gets used to someone else sweeping her off her feet.’s better to be single and happy than in a relationship and unhappy. our schedules are so busy that…sometimes we can only meet up for dinner or lunch. i didn’t address it at first because i thought i’d come off as too “needy”. i met the girl of my dream and everything was great until she recently said she wanted some space. one time i asked her if she had enjoyed the time we had spent together and she had replied "yes, i'm very, very lucky". it's now a week ago and she has hardly spoken too me still getting the hump i'm at the stage where now im loading all hope. to me, making excuses and canceling plans is unacceptable and saying that we should just “wait it out” seems horribly wrong. i recently asked when i would see him a gain and hé said september would be busy. june he invited me to stay on his house for a week so we will know each other better and that is where the confusion begin . i don’t know if he senses i “like” him, but i still feel like he’s been inconsiderate—considering our general friendship/relationship. just all of a sudden one weekend he just told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship even though we’d previously discussed it and before he was all for one. she was the one with tears in her eyes and had nothing concrete to explain her decision. the first few times he was a bit flaky, but i didn’t think much of it because i wasn’t even sure if i liked him anyway. site has merit and it’s obviously helping a lot of people so i don’t meet to hate all over it, this is just my take on it all…. is it needy to expect a phone call when he says he will return the call that day? something kept on bugging me about it though and so i ended up going up to him one day and just asking him. nothing wrong with that, it is just a huge challenge for you to be with that kind of person – as you are a huge challenge to him. in truth, you won’t really know what his intentions are. he comes back, we see eachother and it was great. why can’t he say, you do help or i love you too? still haven’t gotten a reply to my post above. i recently did that on a thursday to set up a date for sunday. he sent me an email explaining that he needs to take care of the drama himself and wants me to know it has nothing to do with and that i am everything he has ever wanted and i need to stop making things difficult. things where going great, she even admitted to liking me. lauren, i must say that i wish i had read this about a month ago. my coworker, i will call him gemini teased me about it and of course when we were at work the next day, he couldn’t wait to tell everyone had i had a secret admire at the gym and teased me the hell about this other guy. he didn’t text me for 2 weeks and i never contacted him during this period at all. when i dropped her off at her apartment after that we hugged for a good 2 minutes and of course we both had tears coming down our eyes and she told me i think everything is going to be ok and i said i sure hope so and i left. for instance, if he needs space to re-evaluate and think about what he wants, that’s fine. met this guy in february and we were just friends, but then he starts asking me how i feel about him and he finally said he loved me. she invited me to watch her play netball and loved been in my company. the only conclusion i could draw from this – is that i wasn’t giving him enough attention? good idea – if you keep me posted, maybe the article will write itself. so i didn’t bother contacting until i found out there more i sent one text telling him i’m here as friend when his ready to talk so the ball is in his court now. i_love_audrey_hepburn,I totally agree to wat u jus said,and i am an independent women,i have a gr8 job amazing frnds,but my problm is not that i have less self esteem,niether do i thnk that i cant do without this guy, infact i knw i will be fine without him, but im not. the advice i’m giving you is what was given to me. she told me that i made her happy and picked her up when she was down, but it scared her at the same time and wants to take things slow. least that is the lesson i learned through my own relationship. richard la ruina on december 28, 2015 comments: 2is she about to go? i read somewhere that men reveal themselves a lot with the way they behave when they are away (e. i love him very much and was ready to go against my family for him. so i plan to check up on him if he doesn’t respond by next week to see what’s up. he also was very bothered by the fact that i’m a few years younger (but completely legal). like all new couples we had a lot to figure out about one another and have had our bumps in the road. there’s a bit of a distance he keeps but there’s the kisses, holding hands, affection, calling me babe and hunny, letting me know where he is, acting this way with me in front of his parents, inviting me to be with him often, calls me on his lunch, a couple times of questions that hinted he was jealous a bit etc… however, the distance is that i can feel he’s not giving himself completely. he’ll only put enough effort to keep sleeping with you, not to have a real relationship. though we usually spend friday and sunday evenings together – he is never affectionate towards me. i just found this really cool looking (restaurant/hike/coffee shop). some nights i need to stay home and work on school. is going fine, although i didn’t miss the homework. eric, my boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years he just recently got a new job. i took him to a baseball game with my family after about 5 weeks and he got to meet them. then we have someone speak lesser to each other now, she would always have a mood, then it seems as though i’m distant with her but she would say, i’m with you most days but it seems more of a chore as there’s another friend around, so we’re hanging in a group. thing not posted as an answer is that she is just looking for a friend with benefits. why did he come on so strong for more than just a few dates? always tell myself maybe i suck in this and i get sad 🙁. i was confused so i asked him “do you like me”. you just need to be sure youre ok with your level of attachment. i just really would like us to continue our friendship because i enjoy his company. i held back what i really had as a test. just please weigh up carefully what you have answered to my above questions once you have thought them through. but my body has an inclination towards her because i know that she is the only girl i’ve had this kind of bonding with. she has 6 college classes a full time job and a little girl she says she overloaded. my ex wants to be friends and i want more, and i have told him this many times. it wasn’t a big to-do, just a casual thing. i text when i leave, when i arrive, he knows what i’m doing at all times and who i’m with if anyone which is only female friends. any chance he gets to start up a conversation, he does so and often times it feels like it’s just the 2 of us in the room. he told me it was because he missed me, that we had spent so much time talking and sharing and when we broke up, nothing! and he got upset and said no ill drop u all the way to the train. i’m not sure how this turned out for you since i see it was a few months ago. i just get rejected or no emotion back from her iv tryed anything and everything , to the point now where iv asked if she wants to be with me does she love me, what do you want from me and i just get the same treatment. he left town for two weeks for work and holidays and have not heard from him while he has been gone. the fact is that sometimes they do indeed need to be called out, or asked for clarification. i still cannot call or text him because he has no phone he carries and uses skype. she also told me she would like to keep contact and that she would always love to see my number on her phone. i agree that men have a full range of emotions. after 2 months of being a part after all the b. he responded saying he understood and respected my decision but told me he didn’t understand what i mean’t by “moving on through facebook”, assuring me that things hadn’t really changed for him, that he was just focussing on work and that other than that life was pretty boring…(which is funny because in his previous messages he kept telling me how he was partying loads and having a great summer). guys don’t hear the words when you ask what’s going, they just think you’re being “needy”. it is doomed, i just need some time to come to terms with it. i hope having sex with him so soon didn’t change his mind, but i know alot of people do it was quicker., as someone who has spent her share of time “mindf***ing” (only sometimes fun), i think the insights and perspectives here are wonderfully effective. are many women so eager to invest because he’s said some pretty words? this will certainly be a challenge for me and take some practice, but it could be rather fun! we’re not in a relationship and i know going into this he couldn’t commit or have anything serious. a couple of days later, he reached out to me on facebook… then i emailed him something light, and he emailed me back using a pet name and saying he was looking forward to seeing me when he got back. i've learned the best thing to do is just be steady and supportive. we usually talk 2-3 times a day and now i am lucky if we just talk once a day. anyway im not looking for a relationship at this stage, just looking for a bit of fun etc – but ive noticed he’s withdrawing away from me and i dont want that. i even bought another car so she could use my old one. she talked about guys she fancied, and after she got them interested in her, she soon dumped them, usually by cuddling up to me before their very eyes. you back off when a guy is going through the freak out stage, how long after not contacting you before you know it’s not him needing space and instead that he’s really not interested anymore? i did drugs, he cheated and was with multiple other women. i just recently found out he has been texting a girl from there and he got defensive when i questioned him. well i thought she was just weird because of recently signing divorce papers … after 2 years being separated. if a man text’s you five times a day, calls you 247, moves too fast or seems too good to be true, ladies he might just be, look out for yourself. he says he would do anything for me, but that right now he doesn’t know what he wants. this dissolved it and what interest i had for him dissolved with it. after a couple of weeks of seeing each other fairly regularly, spending weekends together and having daily contact, he started withdrawing.
pain full story is too much to write in few words. this is why questions are important its simply involving his point of view not seeking approval. well, on saturday night he called me up at 1am to come over (note that we live within a mile from each other) to hang out because he missed me and we hadn’t seen each other in a week.” and then joke that “you didn’t even miss me” and he told me he “really like me” after about 1 week of dating, he would always say that he wanted to hangout more and text more and ask if i actually wanted to call him the night he gave me his number of if i just felt obligated. as much all guys would love to bitch about girls or grumble about how fickle a few girls are, there is still a pretty big chance that the girl you like isn’t leading you on at all! long distance, he had a daughter, just about same story.., i made up a spot for him on the couch. a subconscious level, you are always comparing what you are getting to what you wish you were getting. ran across your website today trying to find some advice for surviving the “freakout” period (happy to know that it has a name, btw). of my best long term relationships started with sex on the first date. imo to ask something like “how do you see me” will likely communicate to a guy “i’m asking for your approval.’s hard to tell from the small amount of information i have given you, but this guy has been anything but happy or content with being by himself, or as he calls it alone. you wouldn’t expect your girlfriend to pickup or text back right away every time, but if it’s always non-responsive… then you have a problem. honestly, i don’t mind being treated like a friend because that’s what i am right now but i just don’t want to keep feeling like this all may be a lost cause or just too much of my energy. however since last week she's just not as being chatty, replied short answer text messages and never called me back like before. just a couple hours later i picked him up from the airport, and he was just his normal self kissing me telling me how much he missed me. i feel that i’m unimportant or not a priority when he can’t even make time to choose a day for us to be together, when there is no worked planned in advance. some point, you fixated on this guy and your relationship to him as something more than it is. i really would like to get back with her, but i don’t know what my next move should be., that was about a month ago, and then i got a message from him on sunday out of the blue asking how i’m doing and lots of questions about my life…i was surprised to hear from him because it was around midnight on a weekend, and i know he is on vacation right now, so it seemed like an odd time for him to contact me. after a year i was done, and had to tell myself she was the devil woman that sir cliff richard sung about. any help would be nice im afraid of losein the best thing in my life.) if a man is dating you and bringing you into his world, he likes you on some level and is attracted on some level, so just always assume the best in that department. i’ve tried to talking to him, but he doesn’t want to discuss it and starts yelling, bringing up stuff that we’ve agreed to not bring up so as not to focus on the past or the negative, gets mad, and puts me on ice for sometimes days or longer and then i feel like i’m starting all over again. part of me thinks she wants to stay with me if she didn't mention our friend's offer. maybe he’s confused and having second thoughts, but you being there isn’t going to help him figure things out. or you know, to continue the metaphor, should you ever drop her! he looks at me and shows the card on his keychain and says ” i got that gym membership so now you will have someone to go with and we are going as soon as possible” …we indeed started that day after work. on some occasions he even cancels last minute due to big projects at hand. but i saw him the night before our date and everything went okay, we were both really tired and he seemed to be in a bad mood, which he apologized for after dropping me off.” maybe try not being the first one to text him and see if you hear from him again; that’s giving him the space to come to you. everytime we have sex, he says he misses me so much… but now things had change, he had a new girlfriend, but they have broken up now, i dnt knw d cause of their breakup, still he doesn’t want to call or talk to me. it just gets to an hour of the evening where i have to text him asking ‘are we still on for tonight? that was two weeks ago and he has never responded…i know that it’s over, but i really liked him and i really miss him and want this to work. but when he is away he always ask if i found a new boyfriend yet and he wouldnt mind and things like that. he will get the point, his random lazy texts are a cheap attempt/ reassurance to himself that he has control of your emotions. if they don’t feel the right way about something, their senses are telling them “no” or “get out”. it’s been almost a year since all that happened and it didn’t go anywhere. he could have realized what he had lost or he might be a narcissist or some other personality type that perhaps lost interest in other victims and found you the most challenging victim. girl you sound like a total stalker so lets face it drop the twinkie move away from the computer and actually try going after real man because your obviously stalking someone online! i do miss him, but i keep myself busy, doing nice things for myself and have also accepted a date from someone else (i’ve decided to date others, until my guy says he’s committed, even though we are/were exclusive, and i haven’t told him that i date, i see no need for that).” he said one time that he “doesn’t know how fast to go…” to which i replied that i’m in no hurry and don’t have a problem taking time. she's very attractive and warm at times but can also be cold and very difficult to be close to. he said he was impressed that i had managed to not contact him (! could get angry and start fighting and accusing one another… and damage your relationship in the process. i was taking it slow, he was testing me with sweetness to see my response…but when i sped up the pace, he would try pushing me away in the nastiest ways possible by accusing me of hurting him. i don’t even get that you really like this guy. one whole day we exchanged texts/pics till late at night. my schedule has allowed me to go to pa for months at a time, but still have my home in id. and while it’s not as common for women to go into “the girl cave,” it definitely falls under the “normal” umbrella. i asked him if he still liked me and he said yes. simply meaning she is always hugging me holding my hand and yes kissing me. weeks later, he texts me one night asking how i’ve been and that he’d been out of town again for awhile. i'm in the first six months of a great relationship with a woman that i really like. so many time wasted and so many tears shed… thank you for sharing this, i will try to keep this in my mind from now on…. our first date we met out and grabbed a couple of drinks. i played it cool,told him i appreciated the apology but i’d give him a pass just this time because he hadn’t done anything like that before. if anyone is meant too have a mate it will happen! if you start falling for a friend, you may assume she likes you back too because in your mind, that’s what you’re secretly hoping for. i have never felt this type of love for anyone. right now, my emotions are shut down – and i don’t feel anything because i don’t get anything from him. he said he thought about all my qualities and did not see them in other woman. to me it was like a bump in the road and let’s fix it (i was commited, i didn’t take the move in step to not put in effort) but it felt like no cooperation on the other end. she knos is do anything for her so that gives her the advantage.“i appreciate when he does have time he does spend it with me, but recently in the last 3weeks i feel as though he’s withdrawing. i responded, acted like nothing was wrong but casually asked “so what’s up with the text, since you’ve been mia for awhile?” i was hoping he would say something like i really like you or want to be with you so thats why i kept pursuing you. guys aren’t really that complicated if you take their actions at face value. i am a gay woman and have been dating a wonderful lady for only about 3 weeks., you blew it, you had your chance and you watch that ship sail…sorry to be so blunt. we’ve been dating for 6 months, and he started to withdraw and become distant. sometimes i feel like letting it go for good but i cant help but to blame myself for what i had said to him. no further contact until a brief text when she got home tuesday afternoon. i was the one doing ‘the work’ for the dating in end, offering the supply. problem is that the only direct way i have to contact him is by email. after exchanging messages for a couple of weeks and a phone meeting, we met in person. if he calls and says lets hang out, i am free now…. i dont claim to be a relationship expert because well im not. can i just say…i wish i would’ve read this article weeks ago? is it insecurity, lack of trust, or not really wanting to be together? well now my schedule is pretty open and he’s constantly working…we will plan dates, but if a job comes up he will cancel. here's my situation, my gf and i have been together for several months. know it is hard to think about it right now, but you will eventually move on. he is more protective of his heart than i could ever be of mine. i have tried this before and it works plus your taking care of yourself as well. he told me while i was there that he did not think i should come to his place unannounced. but start expanding your options… because after all, he’s not your boyfriend. she started off by hiding the fact that they where dating from the crowds we all socialize with for two months. i’m going to run through the warning signs your girlfriend will give out over several weeks/months which will indicate that she’s getting bored and ready to move on.. says the worst type of things like im a psycho. we kept contact by texting each other during the week. said him & his friend got carried away, it was rude of him & not him to do that. wasn’t sure why he was suddenly so cold to me after our perfect little relationship. so, i really do want him to come to me. i asked him if he still loves me, but he says he is confused. but if he takes a step back and acts distant, take a step back yourself…. but all in all a truely amazing women in my eyes. clue that i need to pull away and have time for myself is that i get irritated by small things that my boyfriend does or i have an excessive neediness for his attention and affection or an extra sensitivity (hurt feelings, insecurity) when i’m not getting exactly what i want from him. since then i’ve been dating new people, seeing a therapist, partying with friends, reading new books, focusing on work; and right when i think i’m about to get over him, he contacts me again; and most recently with “i really miss you”. was he only pursuing you with kind words and affection, what did his actions say? then things just suddenly changed, she just started to distance herself from me. i guess when he needed the space, he was okay . she says i want them all the time that shes not ready for that. he was calling me his “homie” and joking around with me like i was just a “buddy”. i’ll admit the relationship became strained cuz of this, with 5 months of “what’s going on here” it would, but before he withdrew though, we didn’t have any problem like that. at the end of the day, most women want long-term committment and eventually marriage. we talked 2 days after she told me this because that first day when someone tells you that of course you don't understand i begged her not to go that i love her. don’t you tell him that you are under the impression that he doesn’t answer your phone calls ? he told me we shouldn’t see each other anymore because he could feel my tension on our last date. if a guy can’t be upfront and communicate well, that’s another red flag., my message was a little longer (couple sentences) than a simple text and i didn’t ask him how he was doing, like i normally would, because i didn’t want him to feel pressured into responding. eric i have a question for you that i haven’t really gotten an answer from my bf,we had a long distant relationship for a year and during the last months he started to change but then things seem to have worked out and i thought we were cool again. tomorrow i’m supposed to see him, we are all going to his club. i didn’t remember any of the event cause i was so drunk, i only remembered that i vomit before i passed out. wish is to actually move on from this…this is not the cycle of romance i would want with anyone. you don’t need him to provide oxygen to breath, shelter to protect you from weather, food to eat or water to drink.@audrey – frankly, a few reasons:A) it’s only a couple of women on here who militantly bring it up over and over again like it’s a cause you are fighting for…. the radio silence all week was puzzling to me though. do you stop hearing from him because he sees you without makeup and in a jogging suit one day? the following day we spoke and he apologized for not being able to go with me to concert but that his mom had an a great time then our call was disconnected and i havent heard from him yet it’s been 10 days. i think this is exactly what i am experiencing right now. someone help me with some advice because i know this can only end badly but my body won’t give it up.. she’d rather go out with her friends than you. i felt very clear about what had happened, and eventually he did come to me. i still don’t understand why he ignored my texts… i don’t know if he felt smothered or if he was upset about me canceling, which would be silly, or if it meant nothing at all! we are still living together and broken but i told her that i wanted to be there for her during this time and to help her recover. at the time, i had some genuine interest in him but as women need time for their attraction to grow, my interest was still undeveloped. i have come to realize that scam artists are online. he already has a history for not being able to commit. also, if someone isn’t putting the effort in and you put up with that for x amount of months then isn’t that like giving them the relationship on their terms? this emailing list and actually think your advises are useful and clever. he said he needed space to get things more sorted out in his life and that he needs to figure things out. none of us fight about picking up the slippers, newspapers etc. any case, i spent months trying to figure out why he kept leaving and then coming back with sweet nothings, only to eventually withdraw again. you don’t have to be head over heels in love to just show something, do you? i’ve tried really hard to give him his space and support him but realize now, especially after reading this article, that i’ve made it worse and pushed him further away. am a big fan of your advice and think that this article is really spot on. know that perhaps that is not a traditional route…but i don’t play games and if something seems wrong i’m very direct. she is very distant & seem very cold to me at times. i am trying to survive this freak-out phase, but i don’t wanna flat out ignore him, so the strategy you’re implying is to ignore him until he contacts me, just to get the point across that i have stuff going on in my life besides him and to make him miss me? she started by canceling on dates with me then a email saying she needed some time.. so for my own closure, i sent him a text along the lines of: okay, i get it, good luck with work, get well soon. i have been judged, tabled, and thrown to the side because guys go for the sex and move on..do i send him an email at the end of the week? a “happy birthday” just as a nice gesture and let it be. came to find out later that i made her feel very special, because no one had ever loved her like i did. another example if a boyfriend is what you want, but he’s still being wishy washy say something to the effect of how you enjoy his company but you’re not looking for a fwb/make out buddy, you’re looking for a long term relationship/boyfriend at this point in your life (see how you didn’t say that bf needs to be filled by him in particular? again he said lots of sweet stuff, paying for this and that like when we went out to eat. after i told what happened to two of my close girls friends they both told me that she led me on and probably liked me but was unsure of what to do. you need to do if a girl is leading you on? i am in the over-analyzing mood of the “am i being annoying? in some circumstances, the girl who’s giving you mixed signals and leading you on could really like you, but she may be a people pleaser or an attention whore who’s too worried what her friends may think of you *because she assumes you’re not good enough to show off to her friends* [read: 16 attention whore signs to watch out for! i was able to recognize, that despite the varying differences among my “love fun” romances, i had reacted in a very “not different” and unhealthy way at the end of each. i really care about him and want to be that person for him and his boys. we share love, mutual respect, he makes laugh harder than anyone, all great things. we’ve spent a large amount of time together in bliss and we both seemed to really enjoy the attachment. because technically there was no freak out phase he just hit me with it randomly. so anyway i was silly but i decided to msg him asking how his wkend was, and when i’ll be seeing him again and i had some stuff to give to him. it just wasn’t meant to be, and i am feeling just fine with that today. i think if more women broke it off the second he started exploring his options and flaking out, men would shape up. did i mis-interpret this whole thing and he wasn’t that interested in the first place? until recently, i’ve turned down guys who have asked me out b/c i know it will take a mature, mentally strong male to understand me, and be ok with my always ‘being busy’.. so that said… total kudos for the great job eric is doing with his column. we agreed to not talk until she works through this period in her life, yet, me being of two minds, wanted to see her and sent a couple of texts and calls, to which she didn't reply. this is the first time i made mistake and for the whole 10 months during our long distance i showed him i am no drama queen, i am strong, independent and have qualities he needs in a partner. i ignore the calls but he continues to call so i answer and he wants to know how i am and if i am seeing anyone and if i would go to dinner with him. sorry baby girl i didn’t mean for it to turn out like that. i also wonder why someone would have a phone with no voicemail, so people can call and leave messages, and why he doesn’t respond to text messages . that is why ‘he’s just not that into you’ is seriously the best book out there for women to read. i told her that i wasn't sure i wanted to be married so soon after my divorce is final. my question is, did i screw it up by being pushy and is there a way to fix this? you need to let him do that and create positive energy in the meantime. 6) she was totall into me, even teasing me that all her girlfriends were jealous of her for finding someone like me. so he probably got tired and gave up on the drama altogether. there were red flags from the beginning and i should have paid attention but he always had the right answers and was apologetic. it will mean a lot to me for your advice. for the quick reply dorothy, i must say it was fast and the only reply i ever got here…. i’ve been seeing a guy for the last 3 months. however, everyone, including her friends thought i was in my mid 20's. we had been dating for a year and a half, it was by far the healthiest and loving relationship i've ever been in. he called again and i told him ok i would go to dinner with him but i do not know when that will be. this is what he claimed, of course, after i informed him a few days ago that i was nearby at my friend’s place. it was not a difficult time for me but he was texting me often and wanting to hang out. he told me 1st on the phone that he was scared to tell me but he said he was in love with me, and when the conversation as over he said i love you! all the while he has been telling me how scary it is how much he likes me, how he’s always going to spoil me, how he’s so thankful for me to be in his life, how awesome i am, and how happy he is with me. if i must say so myself i’m a hood looking woman so how come this makes me feel less attractive?.The other common scenario for a man sudden disappearance or apathy is meeting another woman and being distracted by her. you lauren, i sent the text and agree with you despite my friends telling me to run away from her; i simply can't do that she is just to special. maybe you should also do an article or post about how to react and what to say to a guy once he does contact you again after the freak out phase. i'm just a bit confused, and would appreciate a fresh perspective on this..But really guys, just tell us what you’re thinking, don’t make us guess, that can cause things to get ruined for no reason! i was always happy confused and heartbroken in an endless continuing cycle of love and head torture initiated by an evil sadistic cupid who hated me. the past couple of weeks, he’s been acting kind of distant though.! i know iv made mistakes i did say sorry ( i went mad at uni once and i through a mug at the door and it smashed! every now and then, there comes a time when you unintentionally fall in love with a girl who seems right, but is completely wrong for you. comes a stage lady when you need to draw the line and just walk away. has she gone into her cave or should i just give up and let her be? thank you so much for sharing that – it’s so heartbreaking that everyone is walking around thinking people are “playing games” with them.. i told him i’ll give him space if thats what he needs and wants. luckily i only wasted two months on the last guy i dated but it was very painful to be getting so many mixed messages. he seemed really bothered by something and i kept asking what was wrong, but he simply continued to say ‘nothing’ repeatedly. maybe it will prove to you that he really cares or loves you. i look forward to wrapping my arms around you and giving you a big kiss when i see you. she tells me i'm perfect but the timing isn't right. went back home for 2 weeks 2 get help with my work from my previous tutor …. i thought they were really brilliant and could help other people going through the same thing. dorian - who needs help before it’s too late doc love’s answer hi dorian, you mean to tell me that you’ve read 52 columns that changed your life and you couldn’t come up with to invest in the font of wisdom that is “the system”? if he ends up with me great, if he doesnt, oh well.… and after two months he contacts me at midnight with a text saying “hi honey…it’s been a long, long time. she said she needs this time to see what she wants and who she really is. he had his reservations but quickly decided that he was ready for me to come back…he missed me and the energy i added to his life. then he flaked and canceled last-minute claiming to be busy/hungover etc. asked if we friends or am i still ur gf? i was getting more and more miserable because i didn’t believe his excuses. or was it a one time ‘i really want to kiss you’ kind of thing? have met a man about a month ago, we met few times, i have been to his bday but all with people around. if a man is keen it’s not just about showing up for the dates, it’s about being courteous and respectful too. i started to really like him and reciprocated his affection; however, i never really gave into his mush- talk because i’m very protective of my heart. don’t jump out and threaten your man that you will leave: that is a sure winner of eventually ending any relationship – although a lot of us girls use this a emotional black mail to get a reassurance of commitment and love from our man. go out and find socks that are softer and more resilient and send them to him. am i not right to question why no phone call return should he call again? he said well if he doesnt feel like talking then he wont. it certainly is a man’s world and i must play with their games. charles, please give me a guys point of view; i plan to have dinner with the man i was dating two years ago.. he played it off as if he was just kidding. that guy was not fully mature and was not that into me. he goes out of state sometimes to hang out with her and another guy, and i recently found out that his friends made a bet with each other which led to her kissing him and he felt bad about it. i think he wanted me to wait around as a friend, continue to mess around with him and not date other guys while he figured out if he was interested enough to pursue something. in the last three or four days he has started to withdrawl the conversations are not the same he will just quietly sit on the phone,no more text messages sayin sweet things ,it just seems as somethin has changed. [read: 20 dirty questions to ask a girl and make her wet]. lifting the pressure of the relationship in this way can really help the relationship to blossom, especially in the beginning.’ve been reading your articles and i find them so enlightening. my point is though, we put so much responsibility on the guy to pursue and to chose and to be assertive but those things are required of us too. i said ur stress takes over ur mind then u may be fine again. she wants to keep communication open, but when i asked her to set some boundaries there basically are none. one more question, do you ignore holidays when you are in the midst of this kind of thing? fact you have a great sex life is a good sign.! i texted him a msg basically saying thanks for not calling me back after the phone call was disconnected. i guess i just need to enjoy the fun times and chill..never looks at me with “feeling…” not mean, not angry, just seems “happily indifferent. he said he wanted to be exclusive with me and we text and talk everyday even when he’s travelling. he eventually called asked to see me and wanted to try dating again, and told me how much he loved me. i signed my house over a couple of years ago to get out of the area i was in and moved into my ex husbands house where he had an extra bedroom with an attached bathroom. this break up, which has been 4 months long now, 3 months of it has been where it’s like he just snapped and he’s done things like spend his money carelessly, flirted around, slept with someone once- just came across acting very selfish and didn’t seem to care about anything or anyone, including himself. feels wonderful to a woman when a man is attentive to her needs, when he takes care of her and makes her happy. certainly gets the job done but it’s far from graceful and it leaves you very confused with a little lingering whiplash of your own.. this isn’t to “let the guy off the hook” or passively accept a situation. i have been using all of your advice but it just hasn’t seemed to help i mean i’ve done everything i’ve commented on all his writings which i love but i can’t help like he serves me up a giant serving of rejection! i followed your advice and sent an e-mail saying everything you said to say and two days later this is what i got "glad ur having a good week.! i always invest too much into a “relationship” in the beginning, when there’s really not that much invested into it in the first place. started dating a guy i met online, we have been on 2 dates, which went well. why should he be in a relationship with you, when you gave away your best cards already by sleeping with him? you’re not shutting the door or being cold to him, you’re just keeping your life full of great options so that it takes the pressure off of the relationship to be a certain way. quickly you have sex or don’t have sex is irrelevant. people at work think we are going together, some even mentioned that they thought that we were a married couple because they said that is what we act like. i had similar thing happen to me as the poster asking the question and can relate it exactly to your description of what guys do. i have decided not to text/call until he does. calling me his girl, and over the phone stating to his uncle that he was hanging with his girl friend. for some guys, if you don’t ask them, they don’t feel the need to tell you. for some reason he feels as though the time we do spend together isn’t enough for me. guy, at 7 months of dating, told me, he did not want a relationship. it has nothing to do with him or his actions. we call each other from time to time and we skype too whenever were both off the next days. i began to feel like he was distant so i as him about it, and he said it was nothing. we’ve both done some things we shouldn’t have done. (note: i only suggested him meeting them after he had officially invited me to meet his, go to a family wedding, etc. maybe he wasn’t super interested to begin with which would mean you did a good thing not giving into his “mush talk” and saved yourself from investing too much too soon. or in the worst case, she may tell you she can’t think of you as anything more than a friend. 🙂 now i will “invest” in our friendship only as much as he is investing in it so that i don’t have more (heartache) to lose if things don’t work out. we've been in touch since day1 through text, phone calls and meetup,etc. there’s nothing wrong with that in itself, but if it starts feeling like life or death to see him then you’re still putting follow-through on a pedestal. he seems to want to do for you but the catch is to not compare your experiences with his or fix his problems for him., i was wondering why my boy friend of five years wont tell me how he feels about me?, i’m afraid that if i back off too much and play it too cool, that he’ll end up thinking that i lost interest in him altogether and end up losing him. now over the period of 3 years we would fight argue and he would end it and tell me to go on with my life and i would literally beg him not to leave but he is the stubbornest person i know and he left and i had no choice to let it go but he would always be the one to call like nothing ever happend and tell me he is coming over and we would start back over fresh. he told me he was not in a hurry and he wanted me to call and keep in touch with him and he would keep in touch with me. i told him that anything after 10pm is a booty call, and he said that he wants more than just sex…he wants a girlfriend and a relationship eventually.’ve been good friends with this guy for almost 4 years. the 3rd week was much easier, i was very busy with my son’s senior prom, his graduation, and the grad party (all in the same week)… j was no longer dominating my every waking (and sometimes sleeping) moment… i am beginning to feel so much more normal and happier, then last night i got a text from him about a vehicle i bought from him that we were having issues with (the last time we had text each other, 3 weeks ago, was about the warranty… we had been texting for a few minutes and i tried to call him to talk instead of texting, again he wouldn’t pick up the phone) so, after that night i stopped any kind of contact. and when he asked for the hoodies a month ago from my job, i said oh i seen some that i love.! that she loves me, but she doesn't show it at all. we have not seen each other in person in well over a month. he said we should not make any big decisions and think about things.. but it doesnt fix how the damage in my heart!, here’s the deal…we started dating 6 months ago (long distance)… things were on fire , running at 100 mph, he had brought up the issue of me moving to be with him, i agreed that it was the more reasonable option to him moving here, we looked at condos, we went to different cities to figure out what suited us best… i continued at the same pace we had been going all along and suddenly i noticed he had stopped talking and saying the things he was saying at the beginning. probably because of that old rule that the man should come to the woman. he was even talking about marriage and kids in the first week! can you offer any insight from a male perspective as to the thoughts men have when they are still growing as individuals, but are overcome with self-doubt?) i was prepared for him to work longer hours and the occasional weekend, though he works pretty much every day 12-15 hour days right now. but is this the behavior of someone who cares, the italian bravado, or a typical guy? and he always brought it up saying i through it at him! and why does he continue to break off our thing every so often when things are getting good. i kept thanking him for taking the day off on my bday because it meant a lot to me and he makes me happy. this doesn’t mean men exclusively love being alone and women exclusively love being in relationships. we fight about our need for love and respect not being met or being met incorrectly. my intention is not to hurt you in the process". he suddenly feels apathy for you because he can only focus on one thing at the same time. at this point, i felt like my boundary was disrespected and that i couldn't trust him to honor my boundaries or our agreements. anticipation – by building anticipation she will be thinking about you all day and will want to rip your clothes off when you walk through the door. it all became clear he still had feeling for me and he was starting to miss me this and the fact that he i saw him sad a few weeks before that (in his car i saw him but he didn’t see me) was enough to show me this was it but i no longer care…he lost his chance and i’m pretty sure his aware of that now as instead of running up to him and asking him i walked past with my head held high. quote you: “…he wants a girlfriend and a relationship **eventually**”. we have gone out to dinner (not fancy – he doesn’t have a lot of money, which is ok) gone to a local place to dance, gone to his house and he has fixed dinner and we have watched movies, gone to flea market, etc. yes, sex is important, and it is an imperative part of a healthy relationship, but that comes later. even when you formulate the right words things can be misinterpreted. he’s bad in words and says he suck at everything. hey, i’m laughing…one of the songs my friend once gave to me was called “one step at a time”. this text will build trust and give her the kind of support she can receive right now. to make it worse just last week i asked the big question. i have been dealing with mine for 4 years and he still perplexes me. now i decided to meet with him for dinner and i ask him, what made you keep texting/calling all this time? however, our same mutual close friend offered her to stay with him until she got back on her feet. until today i couldn’t take it and told him i don’t want to hear excuses anymore. the point is, something inside him feels as though it’s not enough. i haven’t been a pushover during this break up. i’m afraid that he is waiting for an apology, but it’s so hard to tell. around the holidays we were texting everyother day all week and then e invited me to nye with him the day before. alternatively you can tell her that you are expecting a long time and meaningful relationship. this is ripping my heart apart and hurts so much. that’s a much better use of your attention than playing nightmare-scenarios in your help or fearing what he and this girl might be up to. it has been almost 3yrs since our break up, and i have finally figured out most of the rules of dating through trial and error. as you can read in my own post…but if you’re paying attention at all or even reading your own comment post…know that you need to relax and actually relax. on wednesday he felt distant and we talked about him being overwhelmed at work. so many articals i wish i had read before failed my last marriage. but when you do that you can still end up getting hurt anyway as some of them will just take advantage, string you along, play you and use you. and he wants to be all chummy in conversation like normal, and it makes me feel bad. i don’t know what triggered her or that she’s falling for another. i’ve always kept a pact that while i’m in my uni studies, i’d never date a guy, give him the time of day, or care about the ‘dating scene’., my honest take on it is that you should leave it alone so i agree with your sentiments that you picked up he wasn’t reciprocating or engaging in the convo. 5) she always wanted me to be there for her whenever she ha an art function/exhibit or social gathering. within three days of arriving back home i noticed that she seemed to be a bit cold towards me with her texts. he’s being all sweet and really getting you to like him… and then he shifts…. after that day he was just plain mean to me and even though we kind of moved past that and started seeing each other again. we have been seeing each other for about two months. thank you for your article to put my perception/perspective back in order. i met a wonderful man online 2 months ago – he was consistently pursuing up till about 1 week ago. our department is small, so everyone knows everyone well, even on all 3 shifts ( we work the same shift obviously). if you want to make this about you being right, that’s fine. the questions is… do i hold onto hoping he’ll come back around or do i say this relationship is a lost cause? i only speak from experience and after spending 18 years with nothing but men what translates to “looking for approval” is actually when we go with the flow or ask questions specific as in…do you think im pretty or smart or even seek a compliment. i’m 39 years old and i’m engaged to a woman i adore. things have been going great we talk till the early hours of the morning. have been in a great relationship with a man for the past two years. a heart to be used not only for unfullfilling relationships with lack of love and filled with arguments but for everybody – including yourself. especially since she has be very self sufficient her whole like and has admitted problems about opening up - the last thing i want to do is smother or pressure her. you don’t want him to cheat, then your best bet is to work on making your relationship excellent. so what you’re saying is i shouldn’t care about whether he comes running back or not, because my life should be full enough for him not to matter?’t get me wrong – i’m not saying that he doesn’t feel anything for you or that he won’t feel anything for you. i really think he likes me but perhaps he is in this freak out stage, so how and what do i do to make him want me more. i've been seeing a girl for 2 months (we're both in our 30's if that helps! know some women may say i should not go with him to dinner or try to see where things may go after he left me for other women. she was not good with her husband for the past 2 years and she left her country with her kids and move to my country. a guy travel for over 15 hours just to have weekend sex without any emotions attached?– thursday comes, he didn’t write much when i asked how is he. he said he would leave at 11pm and ended up leaving at 9:30pm. prior to he was on a trip overseas and was emailing me every 2-3 days about his adventures. i really like this girl, and i'm trying to give her space, but not sure what is going on? he has always been honest with me and i never felt like he was playing around, to my knowledge, because he could easily do that without dragging me clear to pa. must have been written by someone whos endured this kind of head torture. we get so stary eyed and filled with fantasy that we push too much and never stop to enjoy the moment and yes to most guys this will set off their needy alarms. pretty much have the idea, but i wanted to make something clear: i am not saying to ignore him to give the appearance of having other things in your life. but weeks go by where he loses complete interest and doesn’t initiate us seeing eachother. then he texted me that night just to chat, he had his son & wanted to tell me how his son downloaded a song on his ipod & it was the song i had just introduced him to last week when we were together. we have great chemistry/connection, and share many things in common. i have made myself busy with my own priorities again… i know that he has tried to set up dates with another woman, i don’t know how it went and he doesn’t know i am aware of it, he lied to me about being asleep when he was on the phone with her, i just acted like it was not a big deal “you must have really needed sleep”…. you’re gonna have to take a few steps back, get your own place (it sucks) and start afresh, be your independent you, don’t need to break up, but dont call him, and hang out with him 50% of the time he wants to. is he in his freak out phase or should i just let go and end my contact with him by withdrawing. it's so important in a relationship to meet your partner's need for space with love and acceptance instead of judgement. how can we make him as comfortable as possible so he doesn’t get freaked out? as a guy, there's this urge to make things right, but just letting things take their course is challenging, though i understand the wisdom of it. i thought his messaging me indicated a real interest in me but then he told me if some other guy is making more effort than he is that i should go out with him, which i have done, and then he seems to get a bit upset about it and asks me why can’t i just go out with my girlfriends? you may be a dating coach, but you are not a woman who has to deal with the madonna/whore complexes that still influence how we are treated. am a lawyer with two graduate degrees and i live in a large city, have been for 6 years.